Christian household

Context: From the general virtues of the New Human and their influence on unity in diversity (vv12-14), and how Christians get there (vv15-17), the text now moves to virtues to unite especially households and their family business (vv18-25; 4:1).

Read: Colossians 3:18-4:1

1) v18: What is there to discuss??

• What are the issues behind the brevity of v18?
• For which problem is v18 supposed to be the solution?
  • In which areas are marriages most challenged when the opinion of the wife either counts nothing, or when it is the final law, respectively?
• “…as is fitting…“: i.e. “in the Lord, as we see fit”?
  • Did Paul mean to leave it up to the culture to define what we regard as “fitting”? Why or why not?
• Or rather: “… because this befits those in the Lord?” cf v20
  • How does that argument define the meaning of “submission”?
  • How did he distinguish submission from “submissiveness”?

2) How does v19 instruct husbands how to love their wives?

• “…and do not be embittered against them”: What makes husbands bitter, and how do they hold on to grudges?
  • Why is forgiveness the key for Christian marriages?
  • Are men addressed because they fail more than women in this department? Or is the Christian husband responsible to be the first to seek reconciliation? cf Eph 4:32
• Some translate “do not be harsh” with them: Why is that an inadequate standard of love even for non-Christians?
  • Would there be feminism if oppression by spouses had not become rampant first?
• What are Paul’s arguments in vv1-2 to defend his counter-cultural complementarianism?

3) v20: Of all things related to parenting, why did Paul focus solely on obedience?

• Did Paul write here about children, or to them?
  • What difference does it make?
  • What does it imply about their age?
• What is obedience “in everything”?
  • How realistic is that?
  • What do you think of the incentive?
• What alternative incentives are given to kids by adults who don’t believe in God?
  • Why is it fatal if parents try to instead buy “obedience” with bribes or negotiation?

4) v21: How do fathers ‘provoke’ their children that they ‘give up’?

• Read Heb 12:7-8 and Rev 3:19. How can fathers discipline their children without unduly provoking them? —>
• Read Eph 6:4. What is ‘discipline and instruction of the Lord‘?
  • What distinguishes instruction from lecturing or manipulation?
  • Why are Christian parents not entitled to instruct what and however they see fit?

5) v22-24: What distinguishes the mandate of Christian employees?

• e.g., what has it to do with ‘fearing the Lord’, v22? vv23-25
  • Why does v25 warn them of God’s impartiality?

6) 4:1 What causes superiors to be unjust, and how is salvation by faith in Christ able to change this?

• What kind of employer would deliberately choose to be unfair?
  • Why did Paul prioritize fairness here (e.g. above kindness)?
• What conflicts of interests cause them to violate justice?
• Why is true Christian faith always set against injustice and unfairness?
  • “…knowing that…”: How did Paul make sure that Christian employers do know this?

7) Personal & application

• As a wife, do you want to avoid bossing your husband, and if so, can you share strategies how you do that?
• As husband, how do you practice to be the first to put away any grudges?
• As a son or daughter, why do or don’t you obey your parents? How are your incentives aligned with the one held out here for believers?
• As a father, what steps can you take to become a model instructor from whom you yourself would desire to learn as a kid?
• As employer, in what areas do you recognize need for action to treat everyone fairly?